


Karkat Vantas vs The Hetro-sapians

by scribbli



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Buttsex, Depressed Karkat, Drinking, Drugs, Embarrassment, GamTav - Freeform, Gay, Gay John, Gay Male Character, Human Karkat, Humanstuck, Humanstuck!, M/M, Parties, Shipping, Slice of Life, Teenagers, barely even there i promise, coffeshops, eventually, gay karkat, homo john, i really dont know, idk - Freeform, johnkat - Freeform, light homophobia, young adult
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-04-10 12:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4391441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribbli/pseuds/scribbli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Karkat Vantas. You’re 19 years old with homosexual tendencies and you work in a shitty coffee shop, living on a diet of mostly sandwiches and your best friends’ foul cupcakes. You’re currently under extreme interrogation.<br/>Beside you is your friend Eridan Ampora, also under interrogation. He’s taking it worse than you, all hunched over and his face nearly completely buried into his scarf as he stares at the floor. Why is he even wearing a scarf indoors? He looks absolutely ridiculous. You mentally try to calculate the amount of times you’ve actually seen his neck. It falters below double digits. You’re broken out of your own moronic thoughts by a harsh, cold voice, snapping for attention.<br/>“Eridan Ampora. Why do you not want to attend this hella tight October 31st party with us?” Dave Strider asks, body practically bent at a 90 degree angle as he places his hands on his hips and looms over you both. His brows knit together over the shades he has covering his eyes. You wish you could say he’s put them on for his role of chief interrogator but no, this great asshole wears them all the time, even when its dark. What a dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is Karkat Vantas. You’re 19 years old with homosexual tendencies and you work in a shitty coffee shop, living on a diet of mostly sandwiches and your best friends’ foul cupcakes. You’re currently under extreme interrogation.  
Beside you is your friend Eridan Ampora, also under interrogation. He’s taking it worse than you, all hunched over and his face nearly completely buried into his scarf as he stares at the floor. Why is he even wearing a scarf indoors? He looks absolutely ridiculous. You mentally try to calculate the amount of times you’ve actually seen his neck. It falters below double digits. You’re broken out of your own moronic thoughts by a harsh, cold voice, snapping for attention.  
“Eridan Ampora. Why do you not want to attend this hella tight October 31st party with us?” Dave Strider asks, body practically bent at a 90 degree angle as he places his hands on his hips and looms over you both. His brows knit together over the shades he has covering his eyes. You wish you could say he’s put them on for his role but no, this great asshole wears them all the time, even when its dark. What a dick.  
Beside Dave stands Terezi Pyrope, her back pressed against his side and arms crossed, lips pulled back to reveal her terrifying smile that you’re sure would give you nightmares if you hadn’t known her most of your life. You and Terezi were a thing for a bit before you decided you’d sooner a dick in your ass then her tongue in your mouth. You’re still good friends, it would have sucked to have lost 13 years of friendship over something as little as homosexuality. You sneak a glance over to Eridan. He’s risen up, eyes wide and wow look at that, a little bit of his neck has been exposed.

“Because I don’t want to go to a party where all I’ll do is sit on a couch and listen to people I don't like yammer on in their intoxicated babble, while my ex-girlfriend is paraded around by some asshole.” he replies in his usual brittle tone. You sigh, because of course this was going to be his reply.  
Looking up you see Feferi stood in the doorway, next to Kanaya. It’s halloween so of course Kanaya is looking even more willowy and enchanting than she usually does (no hetro tho) in some light ankle length dress that makes it look like she’s snatched a section of the night sky and sewn it into her dress. Not that you’d put something like that past her to be completely honest. Feferi looks like she’s been stood next to Kanaya for too long and the darkness has seeped into her, almost completely unrecognisable. She’s straightened her usual curly mass of hair and slicked it back and is wearing dark eye make up and black lipstick. You’d like to add in you only know of these exact facts because you sat on Sollux's desk and watched Kanaya do it for her, not because you’re an expert in makeup or some shit.

Feferi stiffens at Eridans words and sighs, looking at the floor and crossing her arms. You do feel sorry for her you guess, it had been a over a year since she’d dumped Eridan and he’s still bitter about it. Probably gets off on making her feel back about it, the dick. You’d probably feel bad for Eridan too if he wasn’t such a dick about it, but Sollux is your flatmate and good buddy and you have to admit, coming home from work and seeing her perched on his lap as they both hunch over his PC as he tried to teach her how to game is far more preferable than coming home and seeing Sollux sat all alone and upset because the girl he likes is dating the human version of chlamydia. Bottomline, basically everyone prefers Feferi being with Sollux than Eridan. Mainly because when she was with him she hardly spoke and covered half her face with her hair at all times but with Sollux she’s like a curlier version of Jade, all bouncy and giggly.  
Suddenly, another officer is added to the line of interrogators and whop-de-fucking-do its the blue haired bitch. Vriska Serket. You and Vriska have never been peachy keen on each other but you guess thats another story. She a tiny girl, barely coming to the shoulders of Feferi and Kanaya as she pushes either one aside to march in. Kanaya glowers after her, also not a member of the Serket fan club. Vriska strides after and sweeps past Terezi and Dave, coming to stand directly in front of Eridan. She’s not wearing much in either half and you’re sure Eridan got an eyeful equal to the amount almost anyone who's ever had sex with her has seen. You inch a few centimeters away from Eridan which doesn’t go unnoticed by Terezi who smirks into her hand.  
“Ampora…” she begins in a little purr. Oh no, here it comes. Seven years of classes with our dearest Vriska makes you completely aware of what's about to come.

WHAMP.

Her hands slam down onto both of Eridans shoulders and you’re pretty sure a few inches of his torso just got compressed. She moves her face very, very closely to his and slowly opens her thin lips.  
“STOP BEING SUCH A WHINY LITTLE BITCH ITS BEEN A YEAR!” she roars loudly. If this was a cartoon Eridans scarf would be blowing in the wind from the force of her shriek and the light shade above you would sway, hell the furniture would probably leap a few millimeters off the ground too. Eridan lets out a squeak of shock as she step back and crosses her arms, clearly pleased with her work.  
Dave re-adjusts his glasses as a sign of retaking his initial chief interrogator status and swings his body towards you. Fuck.

“Karkat Vantas. And why is it you don’t want to go to the tightest party in all of the United States tonight?” He asks. You sigh and cross your arms, glaring up at the three in front of you because they really should know now. Dave’s been your best friend for as long as you can remember, Terezi jumping on the bandwagon a few years after. You part your lips slowly and say as coldly, as deliberately as you can.  
“John fucking Egbert.”  
The sentence leaves that small burning feeling deep in the back of your throat, like when you’ve eaten one of Gamzee’s popping candy cupcakes and it keeps popping as it slides down your throat but not as enjoyable. Dave looks at his feet, Terezi clears her throat and looks over at Kanaya and Feferi and Vriska just stares back at you with a slightly smug smirk. She opens her mouth but before she can speak Kanaya clears her throat loudly. Vriska’s shoulders slump and she leans against the wall and crosses her arms. You glance at Kanaya who smiles graciously at you.

“Come on Vantas, you probably won’t even see him. Kanaya how many people are going to Roses?” Dave asks, turning to her for a second. She shrugs.

“About eighty.” she replies softly in her usual collected voice.

“You see Karkat! Thats a one in eight chance of seeing him!” Dave replies with a false grin as he looks down at you. You sigh and thump into the back of the seat of the sofa, allowing Amporas overpriced cushion to slightly engulf your shoulders. Dave and Terezi had arrived at your own tiny flat an hour before, bursting in the door as Kanaya and Feferi had their makeover time as you and Sollux dicked around on the xbox. Strider had grabbed your hand and pulled you from the flat, driving over to Eridans for this current interrogation over the facebook event decline. Feferi and Kanaya then followed, Sollux opting to stay home incase he attacked Eridan or something. You’d originally hovered your mouse over the accept button before narrowing your eyes at the screen when you noticed a sickeningly familiar face grinning at you from underneath the accepted list. You’d squeaked like you’d been pricked and instantly pressed decline and slammed your laptop away, as if Egbert was about to come clambering out of your screen.  
“Why did Rose even invite him?” You ask before cringing because oh my god why does your voice sound so whiny. You sit up defensively incase you’ve began to mimic Eridan earlier. Dave struggles for a second before looking to Kanaya for support, as she is the girlfriend of the host after all.

“Rose thought that maybe you wouldn’t mind as much, as it had been so long.” Kanaya replies softly. Ugh. The way she said it made it sound so unfairly reasonable.  
“Well she could of asked me!” You growl in reply before your eyes widen because you don’t want to snap at Kanaya or Dave, its not their fault. But you don’t want to be rude about Rose either because you guess its not really her fault either. You groan and run a hand through your dark wavy hair before standing up.

“Alright. Alright. I’ll go.” you sigh. Dave launches himself at you and wraps one arms around your neck, the other ruffling your hair like you’re some pubescent kid he’s babysitting. You throw him off and punch his chest, spewing out a usual insult. Terezi grabs your wrist and pulls you out the flat, everyone else following, even Eridan.

“Drop me at my flat first and I’ll change.” you mutter as you, Terezi and Dave pile into Terezi’s shitty little car. On the short ride back to your own abode you try to rationalize the evening. Eighty people. That’s seventy-nine whole conversations you can have with people other than Egbert, excluding the one you can always decided to have with yourself if desperate times call for desperate measures. You’d like to explain here that you are not Eridan, you’re not bitter over an ex boyfriend and all pissy because they moved on. There may be history between you and John but its not a relationship. No, three years ago at a party, you and Egbert kissed. You’d barely known him, only having heard about him in stories from your mutual friends and you dully remember being introduced to him by Jade at a party before. You were only fifteen, it had barely been a month since you’d come out to your friends and your self confidence was at an all time low. Sure they’d accepted you straight away, hugging you tightly but who was to say that over time Dave would stop asking you to stay the night at his, until Sollux started sleeping at Feferi’s flat more than yours? Would Jade and Rose begin cancelling plans with you, Kanaya excusing herself tactfully from conversations with you?  
This over thinking wasn’t helped by the fact that you were stood all alone with your drink, Dave having disappeared to find you guys some better beers. Then, along came John Egbert. He was unfairly attractive even then, if a little less gangly. He’d called at you from across the room, making you look up from your cup and hold out a hand as he staggered over to you. He’d collapsed against you, giggling at an unknown joke. He’d burbled to you for a few seconds about movies but you hadn’t really been concentrating on what he was saying, too focused on his eyes, his lips.

John had suddenly stopped talking, appearing to be staring at you from behind his glasses, looking at your lips. Suddenly, he’d moved in closer, pushing you against a wall and kissing you. It was a slow kiss, his thigh between yours as your lips slowly moved. He tasted like the lemonade and vodka he’d been drinking and you hoped you didn’t taste like the cheap beer you and your shaded friend had been slugging back minutes before. He’d held you tight and close as you’d both kissed. All your senses had been shut off, you couldn’t hear the babble of the party or smell the weed that was being passed around. There was just John. You weren’t thinking of marriage or even relationships between you two then, just happy with being kissed. John eventually pulled back. You had panted, a grin on your face and eyes wide, feeling dizzy and excitable from your first proper kiss with a guy.

But no John wasn’t just pulling back he was pulling away. Everyone was watching, mostly quiet. John stood back from you a few steps.

“No, definitely not gay.” he’d stated to everyone, who laughed. Your face had fell and your chest had gone cold, your hands starting to shake. Everything felt grey, cold gray. The laughter blended into this never ending loop of noise, static and loud. You’d looked up at John with a whimper, hoping he would atleast turn and wink at you, making this seem more playful, but no the fucker was wiping his mouth on his sleeve. You’d felt hot tears running down your burning cheeks, legs nearly collapsing on each other in complete humiliation. Then Dave had swooped in, shoving John to the side and grabbing you, pulling you from the noise and embarrassment and out the front door. Eridan’s cousin, Cronus had appeared on your other arm, hoisting you against him a little, cigarette dangling from his clenched mouth. You’d sobbed loudly as they sat you on the step of Roses house, Jade, Kanaya, Gamzee, Terezi and Meenah following you out. They all gathered around you as you sobbed into your hands, completely humiliated and honestly feeling like you wanted nothing more than to die. Eventually Gamzee had sat next to you, wrapping his long arms around you tightly, letting you sob into his chest for what felt like hours as he stroked your hair and shushed you. He was hard to hug though and you could tell he was completely tensed up, practically quivering with anger, his eyes dark. Eventually Cronus got his car out from where it was shittily parked between two other cars and you were led into it by Kanaya and Dave, Terezi deciding to stay behind to give John an earful, as Damara was apparently already doing. Gamzee wanted to stay too but you held onto his hand pathetically and whimpered, not wanting him to leave you. You’d curled up against Dave in the backseat, a sniffling heavy wreck as Kayana attempted to calm Gamzee who was using curses more than normal words in every sentence.

It wasn’t just for the next week you’d been upset, the humiliation John had caused you had lasted up until now, still too paranoid to go anywhere near anyone at a party that was appearing to give you advances or flirty eyes for fear of being publicly shown up again. The only (slim, very, very slim) silver lining to this all was that you’d never seen John again, all though as he went to the same school as Rose and Jade, they’d kept in contact with him though tried very hard to never bring him up in front of you. The distrust you felt towards almost everyone had made it difficult for you to maintain new relationships with people and this had led to you being single since you ended things with Terezi before coming out. Needless to say. Everything kind of sucked.  
You’re snapped out of this pleasant trip down memory lane by Terezi turning off the car. Dave punches you gently in the arm and Terezi turns around in her seat and gives you a sympathetic smile. You smile weakly back at her, all curled up and stomach twisting and heaving around inside you.

“Its gonna be fine tonight Kar. He wont get anywhere near you.” Dave promises and Terezi nods with her usually terrifying grin, which is actually oddly comforting right now, proving just how shitty you must be feeling. You nod with a sigh before clambering out the car and hurrying upstairs to your flat. Dave follows and tells you something about Terezi driving on to see if he’s there already but you can’t properly hear it, there’s some strange noise in your ears and its making it hard to breath. Dave realises your laboured breaths and grabs your shoulder, having to jog a little to reach you. Only when he makes you stop do you realize you were practically running to your flat.

“Come on Kar, try to calm down a little. If you get there and freak out then no biggie okay, we’ll go to a Denny’s and then go home okay? But maybe once you get there you’ll realize it maybe won’t be that bad… tonight might… help?” Dave suggests tentatively. He’s pushed his glasses up on his head and you appreciate the gesture. When he has his glasses up he looks like so much less of a blank board and its comforting in times like this.

“Yeah okay. Thanks, Strider.” you reply, jabbing him in the side with a grin. He tugs on your hair and you both continue on your way to your flat. When you get in Sollux is sprawled across the sofa, fast asleep. You can smell apple and it tells you Gamzee’s dropped round one of his fucking pies again. He used to live with you until he decided to move in with his (unlabeled relationship) friend Tavros to look after him after Tavros got in a bad car accident and it had left him paralysed from the waist down.  
Sweet really, but you kinda wish they’d just bang already. Dave goes and throws himself on Sollux to wake him up, earning a slap and kick onto the floor and as Sollux yells at him. You sigh as they both continue to bicker, walking to your bedroom. You kick through your wardrobe and and draws and find your old black shirt, the one with the blood dripping across the chest. You smile fondly at it before feeling cold. You wore this shirt that night. You throw the shirt across the room. It hits a photo frame and makes it fall to the ground. The arguing halts and the flat is painfully quiet, making you swallow.

“KK?” Sollux calls.

“I’m fine, just knocked something over!” You call back, voice shaking horribly and you curse yourself for having such fucking obvious fear in your voice. You dig out a black sweater and some black jeans and throw them on, chucking on a pair of black vans that have stains from Gamzee’s face paint all over them. You run a hand through your hair and walk out to meet your friends. Sollux wolf whistles and Dave wraps his arm around Sollux’s neck and one around yours.  
“Come along my friends, the night is young and so are the ladies!” he shouts, flicking his head down sharply so his glasses fall back onto his nose as he drags you both to the door, you hold your arm out to snag your car keys as you go past.

“Too bad only one of us is straight here.” Sollux snarls as he tries to wriggle out of Dave’s three-hours-at-the-gym-every-day grip. You allow it to happen, as you have for years. Sollux still hasn’t learned and its been four years so you’d think he would have by now.

“Yeah, me.” Dave replies, proudly puffing his chest out.

“Think again, asshole.” Sollux spat as Dave hauls you both out the door. He allows you an escape so you can lock the door and you sigh as you do so. You have such mixed feelings about how tonight could go but if he tries the same thing again you fully intent on pouring your drink over him and drop kicking him. A smirk plays slightly on your lips at the idea of revenge. It does sound pretty good.  
Sollux is carried by Dave to your car and you trudge along behind, definitely not planning exactly what to say when you see Egbert after three years. For some reason in your head you’re wearing a suit and holding an expensive wine bottle in your hand as Egbert grovels for forgiveness. You all get into your car and begin the short drive to Roses. Rose is the only one that really hosts parties, her house the only one big enough. You guess you should just be thankful its not the same house as last time, she has luckily since moved out.

Sollux and Dave argue over music. You sigh and drive. A Lion King soundtrack is jammed into the CD player so hastily it nearly bends. You shriek abuse at Dave because holyfuckingshitifhe’dhadsnappedit. Sollux groans and covers his ears. Dave grabs the tree air freshener dangling from your mirror and holds it in the air. You pray for a quick death.

Eventually you’re outside the Lalonde/Maryam residence and you groan realising your friends have all done it again. Lined up in painstaking order are your friends cars in order of saturation. All of your friends have got some weird things with colours and so they all got cars in their favourite colour, or had them painted. Going somewhere with them makes you feel like you’re going to a fucking clown convention, especially with their need to have them all lined up the same way each time, Feferi first and Aradia’s last. You really don’t see why they can’t just get normal cars like you. You got some kind of shitty gray car that you don’t care about enough to know the proper name of. Everything inside it was red. Red leather seats, red tape deck, fuck even the steering wheel was red. You’d ripped it all out and replaced it with much nicer grey fabric seats even though Dave had pleaded with you not too.

Lets see, who's here already… Feferi’s is, and she gave a lift to Kanaya and Eridan, Vriska’s is, Terezi’s is, Nepeta’s bike is strapped to the top of Equius’ car. Finding the craze to be hilarious, everyone cousins had joined it, much to your horror. You can see Cronus’ dumbass pickup truck, same one he’s had for years. Kurloz’s cars there too and so is Mitunas. Sollux groans at the sight of his cousins car and you do the same when you see Kankri’s. You guess it should be a little weird how all of your cousins are also so close but its because of them that you’re friends with Kanaya and Gamzee and well, everyone else really. Whenever they’d have to babysit you’d all just be dumped in a room so friendship was inevitable you suppose. They’re invited to a lot of Roses parties, as muscle you guess, in case someone starts getting rowdy (Rose and Kanaya are very house proud) but also because they sure are a lively bunch and really do get a party going. You get out of the car and begin walking towards the house, fists clenched at your sides and heart beating so hard your entire body might spontaneously combust and make a nice mess all over Rose and Kanaya’s front yard. Dave puts both hands on your shoulders and Sollux walks beside you, both hands in his pockets. Dave knocks on the door three times, his usual theme tune when he can be bothered to actually be bothered to not just burst in. Kanaya opens the door and lets you all in, making sure you take your shoes off and taking your coats before disappearing. Rose comes out of the kitchen, surprisingly meek. She comes over to you and hands you all a shot of some kind of red liquid. You look at the drink in your hand and then at your friends. Sollux puts his shot into your other hand.

“I’ll drive us home. If you want to get shitfaced tonight then you fucking can.” he says. Rose bites her lips as she frowns at you.

“I’m sorry for inviting him Karkat, I guess I wasn’t really thinking, I thought with the amount of people going you wouldn’t mind so much…” she says in her usual unbelievably upperclass tone, laced with apology.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” you grumble like the moody old fuck you are. Rose smiles, knowing this is your way of saying its okay. You down one of the shots. Your entire body convulses and your lips pull back into an uncontrolled grimace.  
“What in the everloving ass fuck was that?!” You howl, your cheeks sucking in and screwing your eyes shut. Rose shrugs.  
“Another one of Gamzee’s fames concoctions.” Rose replies. Suddenly Nepeta pokes her head out from the kitchen and squeals, bouncing towards you and hugging you tightly, making you nearly spill your drink.  
“Karkitty!” She squeaks and you groan. She’s called you that since you were in kindergarden and its always pissed you off but you're too tensed up right now to shove her away. 

“Hey, Karkat is here!” Terezi booms and suddenly all of your friends have swarmed you. “He’s not here yet.” She informs you and you nod, suddenly able to breath a little easier. Damaras here too, must have gotten a ride with someone else. Rufioh and Horus are here too, Rufioh towering over everyone, looking the human form of intimidating which you’re rather happy about. Eridans sulking, hugged into Cronus’ side as you’d expect. Someone knocks on the door and everyone spins around at once to face it. Its him, you know it is. Dave steps forward and swings the door open. In front of you stands John Egbert.

He’s taller, his hairs all tufty and sticks up. He’s had his teeth straightened out and his glasses suit his face better. Dave steps back so that he’s beside you, crossing his arms. Breathing is getting harder. Your friends are all arranged around you, even those who weren’t there three years ago know this is him. This is John Egbert.


	2. yelling and drinking

He’s taller, his hairs all tufty and sticks up. He’s had his teeth straightened out and his glasses suit his face better. Dave steps back so that he’s beside you, crossing his arms. Breathing is getting harder. Your friends are all arranged around you, even those who weren’t there three years ago know this is him. This is John Egbert. 

Your chest is tightening.

Your fingers clench around the shot glass Rose handed you. Its plastic and cracks in your hand, some of the toxic drink dripping down your wrist and down the sleeve of your sweater. A part of the plastic sticks into your hand and your blood drips too. Dave takes your wrist and lowers your hand so that its less obvious. 

You grit your teeth.

John is laughing, completely oblivious to the cold wave he’s being met with.

“Its you! Damara right? Hey I’ve got a scar on the side of my face from where you slapped me and your ring caught me!” He smiles, waving at Damara who glares sourly at him, not returning the greeting. You can’t feel your fingers, cant feel your cut. You can feel your blood racing through your body, hearing it in your ears.

You spin on your feet and drop the crushed shot glass. You push past everyone, Terezi grabs your shoulder but you pull out of it. You run down the hall and towards the stairs. Your heart is in your throat as you bound up the stairs. Each step matches your pulse and you’re pretty sure you’re going to puke. You round the stairs, heading for the bathroom and trip over something. Rather, someone. You go flying on the floor, landing with a thud and a groan. You look over your shoulders, ready to unleash hell on whoever tripped you but you close your trap when you see who it is. 

Gamzee Makara and Tavros Nitram are sat on the hallway floor, cuddling. Rather, Gamzee is cuddling Tavros to his chest and Tavros is allowing it. From the smell of it, Gamzee is as high as a rocket and Tavros is giggling into his chest so god only knows what they’ve both been up too. As its Halloween as expected Gamzee is on full juggalo form and from the looks of it he’s painted Tavros too. 

“Best friend!” Gamzee bellows, as if you’re across a road from him as opposed to across a very small hall. Poor Tavros is probably deaf now. 

“Hi Gamzee... “ you reply as you sit up. He tilts his head to the side and grins at you terrifyingly. 

“Now why you all up and running so fast to places brother?” Gamzee asks, slamming a hand down on your shoulder. You shuffle a little closer to them both and lean your head against the wall and closing your eyes. You can feel the blood ticking in your eyelids.  
“Karkat?” Tavros asks, frowning at you. He’s a little more sane than Gamzee at least and pretty adorable in general and you quite often find yourself calling him up to ramble angrily about people because he’s too polite to hang up. What a sweetie.  
“Egberts downstairs.” you mumble, bringing your knees up to your chest and rest your chin on them. Gamzee let out a little growl. 

“Well here the motherfuckin’ chance is for me to-!” he begins.

“Gamzee!” you cut off sharply, not even bothering to lift your head. Gamzee groans before standing up, throwing Tavros over his shoulder, making him screech. You peer up at Gamzee, worrying a little. He bends down a little and hold out a hand to you and you sigh, letting him take a hold of your uncut hand and allowing him to help you stand. Then he bends down and wraps an arm around your waist, hauling you over his shoulder too. You shriek again and kick around.

“GAMZEE YOU ENORMOUS DICK CANOE PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW BEFORE I TEAR OUT YOUR ORGANS AND STUFF THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!” You shriek, beating your fists down on his back. He laughs and begins thudding downstairs with both you and Tavros on his shoulders. He bursts into the living room. Your friends have, as always, claimed the living room. They’re all sat in a circle and talking excitedly, all having a good time. 

John is there, sat in between Jade and Rose.

Gamzee sweeps to the edge of the circle and bends down halfway, grabbing your jumper in his hand and pulling, throwing you over his shoulder and onto the floor on the middle of the circle. Kankri snatches his hand out and grabs your head before it slams into the floor and you groan. Dave grabs your feet and pulls you towards him, sitting to in between him and Terezi. Egbert is opposite you. Gamzee joins the circle and sits Tarvos on his lap, obviously a thousand times more gentler with him. Feferi kisses your cheek and passes you a cup full to the brim. You slug it back and throw the cup over your shoulder. 

“I need to get pissed.” you grumble to yourself, crossing your arms. Almost everyones eyes are on you, you can feel it. Gamzee is busy rolling and feels in his pockets for a lighter before groaning, apparently having lost it. Dave grabs one from his pocket and throws it at Gamzee, blowing a kiss with it which makes him scowl at the shaded boy. Dave and Gamzee have always been irritated to each other which is strange considering they’re both your best friends. They just clash, you suppose. Gamzee lights his spliff and takes a drag before throwing the lighter back at Dave, hitting him on the temple and makes Kanaya tut. 

“So, brothers and sisters.” Gamzee begins and you groan, feeling this is another one of his ridiculous stoner speeches. You dont know how much he’s already had but its always hard to tell. “I gots motherfucking thinking to myself earlier. If we were all in a horror movie who do you supposin would be the first to motherfucking up and die?” 

“Depends on what kind of horror.” Terezi replies.

“The Cabin in The Woods type.” Rufioh replies, deciding for us all for some reason. Horus is leaning his head on Rufioh’s shoulder and looks tired but his eyes are continually darting between you and John.  
“Ah, the classic picking one off one by one.” Vriska mutters boredly, examining her nails. 

“Daves the first to die.” Rose hums, smiling over at her half brother who takes immediate offense and gaps.

“Woah, woah why the fuck am I the first to die?” He yowls before taking a sip of Terezi’s drink and causing her to kick his ankle. You decide you can enjoy this kind of atmosphere. Friendly bickering and a slow descent to intoxication.

Three hours later. Sollux is sprawled across the couch, his head in Feferi’s lap. Feferi herself is rapidly petting his hair and babbling non-stop about lord only knows what. Eridan is laying face down on the carpet and possible passed out. Nepeta and Equius are laying with their heads on his back. Equius’ face is dangerously close to Eridans ass. Kanaya and Rose are crushed into an armchair and appear to be talking very energetically. Gamzee and Tavros are cuddled in a corner like before. Vriska is in the middle of a very heated debate with Terezi about some fictional character taking on another. Aradia and Damara are laying on the floor staring at the ceiling together, pointing at it occasionally. Goodness knows where everyone else is, lucky they’re still able to move around unlike those in front of you. You are partially sober. Its taking more than you’d assumed to get you as drunk as you’d like to be. Terezi found a spiderman plaster in her bag and stuck it over your cut, ceasing the blood flow after it started up again when you and Dave decided to play red hands due to boredom. John fucked off somewhere which makes you feel slightly better about the current downfall of your existence. You push yourself up from the wall next to Dave and go to find another drink from somewhere. 

You’re leaning over the fishbowl, filling your plastic cup. Someone pushes their cup beside yours, the general request for a fill up. You glance sideways to see who it is and every drop of blood in your body freezes. Its John. He smiles happily at you, eyes slightly glazed over with intoxication. 

“What the fuck are you so chirpy?” You scowl, filling your own cup and throwing the serving ladle back into the bowl. You want to move but theres a little irrational part in your mind thats thinking maybe if you stay you’ll get to yell at him and you’ll get over your stupid anxiety and can go on with your life.

“You’re Karkat right?” John replies and you clench the plastic cup in your hand. Luckily this is a softer plastic cup and it just makes a refreshing crushing noise instead of breaking and impaling you. 

“Yeah. And you’re John.” You reply coldly as you stare at him. God damnit he’s unfairly attractive. You’re sweating all over and your hands are clammy. You’re not acting as scornful as you’d like it to be right now and its making you freak out.  
“Thats me!” John replies happily. He fills up his cup and takes a large gulp of it. Some of the drink spills out the side of the cup. You watch it as it rolls down his chin and down his neck and it makes you swallow. 

“Your friends are pretty intimidating. Other than Rose and Jade of course but they’re my friends too but like that Damara girl that yelled at me in another language and slapped me is really scary and that tall guy with all the face paint he’s scary and that other Sollux guy glares at me a lot and that other really tall guy with the red hair is scary too and that guy with the cigarettes is really scary.” John babbles drunkenly and you sigh and run a hand through your hair, leaning against the counter next to him. Knowing he’s scared of your friends makes you feel pretty good right now. 

“Then stay away from them, asshat.” You spit back, crossing your arms. 

“But I like them, I think they’re funny!” John replies. “I think i’m only scared off them because of Roses last party that I went too.” 

You stiffen and swallow. John’s also leaning against the counter now, peering at you over the rim of his cup and god damnit why does he look cute.

“Roses party?” You squeak out, all confidence is gone.

“Yeah, you know. The kiss.” 

You let out a small garble of noises that hopefully equates to 'yeah I know' and move back a little. John throws his head back and laughs. You hate him you hate him you hate him. What a fucking asshole.

“Guessing you remember it too?” 

You let out another ‘hnnnnng’ noise. John shrugs a little and you’re seriously about to call in Damara.

“Rose told me it really upset you… I didnt mean for it to be, it was just a kinda… prank yeah? We cool?” John murmurs. You thrash your body around to face him properly, clenching your cup so tightly that the liquid slops over the edge and spashes on your feet.  
“A prank?!” You hiss out ferociously. John’s shoulders square up and for a second he looks both confused and terrified. Your forehead suddenly starts to throb a little from how deep your scowl is. You bring your balled up fists up as you practically foam at the mouth at this ignorant sack of crap. John takes a few steps back, bringing up his hands defensively. 

“Just a prank!? Do you know what that shitty prank did to me, Egbert?! I haven’t had a relationship in years because of you! You made me feel like absolute shit about myself, you made me feel like all I was was something to laugh at, like I was nothing to be taken seriously, like my feelings didn’t even matter to anyone.” you growl out venomously. “And now you have the audacity to ask are we cool?! You can go fuck yourself.” you bite before storming past him.

You keep walking until you get to the door. No coat. Doesn’t matter, fuck coats, coats are overrated. You wrench open the door but the few seconds you took to remember your coat have cost you and suddenly Dave appears next to you. You shove him away, not that it does much. You open the door more but he moves to push his body against it, forcing it closed. “What the fuck do you want?!” you asked, still clutching your stupid drink. Damnit. You could have thrown that at John. That would have made your exit about 3 times more dramatic.

“Why are you leaving now, man? You’ve done it, you’ve yelled at him. You’ve told him what you wanted to say for all these fucking years and now you’re leaving?” Dave asked, shaking his head a little. You glance at the floor before shaking your head.

“Yeah, I’m leaving. I don’t really want to party right now.” you mumble, your voice shaking and cracking. Dave looks down at you with a small sigh before nodding.

“Okay, where do you want to go?” he asks you. Your eyes widen and you shake your head.

“Wha-? Dave no, I don’t want you to come with me. You should stay.”

“No, I’ve had enough of this party for now, I’m not going to be that asshole friend that just stays at the party while you walk home.” he says, moving to the coat pile and yanking both of yours out from the bottom. “So, an iHop?” he asks with a small smirk. You slump your shoulders, defeated before you give him a small attempt at a smile.

“Fine.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spoopy pancakes and foxes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 413 got me feeling them feels 
> 
> this will be edited later but for now i just really wanted to update
> 
> also dave quoting The Great Gatsby was intentionally incorrect. Irony and all.

It’s still not that late, but the nearest iHop is still across town. You hop in the car and curl up in the passenger seat, wrapping you arms around your knees and bringing them to your chest, resting your chin on top. Dave starts the car and changes around the gears for a second as he pulls out. Dave’s a horrible driver, with one of the worst cases of road rage you’ve ever seen. His usually calm demeanor changes and all of a sudden he’ll be acting like a white middle aged man wearing a confederate flag t-shirt in the middle of the motorway even if he’s driving on a mostly empty road. You struggle to find it endearing. 

Dave pulls out from between the cars and starts across town, janking and pulling the gears around the make the car clank and groan in protest but you don’t want to comment. You stare ahead at the city lights, breathing steadily. You can feel Dave’s eyes on you.

“Stop that.” You say flatly, your words not holding the same threat they usually would. You don’t like being stared at.

“I don’t get why you’re still so bummy.” Dave replied, a little quickly as if he were already planning to say it. “Do you feel guilty for yelling at him or something?” 

“What? No!” You bite back. Dave lifted both hands off the steering wheel and squared his shoulders as if hideously insulted. You try to ignore that he’s now steering with his knees.

“Then why are you so upset? Get on with life!” Dave replied, a little forcefully. 

“It’s not that easy! You wouldn’t get it!” You snarl. Dave is silent for a few minutes and for that time you worry that you’ve upset him. You keep eyes forwards until Dave suddenly brakes and sticks his head out the window. 

“Watch where you’re going, fucking jackass!” He said stormily and you glance around in confusion until you look further down the road and see the source of Dave’s anger. Sat in the middle of the road was a fox. Dave honks the horn incessantly at the animal but it seems pretty content staying there. He revs the car warningly. Nothing. You snigger a little and he practically gives himself whiplash as he turns to look over at you. 

“It’s not funny!” he says, but sounds more wounded than hurt. 

“Get out and chase it.” you suggest. Dave’s brows slam together and his lip curls. 

“Chase it? Chase it? It might maul me! That’s a feral animal out there, Karkat!”

“It’s not a feral animal, what the hell are you talking about? It’s a fox!” you reply.

“It’s a fox!” Dave repeats as if you’re new to the concept. “Fox’s maul.” he adds.

“There’s probably like, 5 fox mauls per year. And those foxes are probably trying to defend themselves.” 

“I don’t want to be victim of the 6th.” Dave said, slamming a hand down on the steering wheel. It beeps the horn and you glance sideways at the road. 

“Huh, look at that. No fox.” you say, sitting back in your chair smugly. 

“Little shit.” Dave muttered under his breath as he continues on. 

The iHop is brightly lit and Dave looks even more pasty underneath it. You both sit at a booth and poke at your pancakes tiredly. 

“You didn’t have to leave the party with me.” you say, using your fork to draw a pattern in the syrup.

“I don’t care. I’ve been going to parties hosted by Rose and Kanaya since I was about 13. I don’t mind missing one out of the million that I’ll probably go to in my lifetime.” he replied. He hadn’t actually eaten any of his pancakes but was instead focusing on cutting them all into tiny bite sized chunks.

“Even so. It’s halloween. You love halloween.” 

“Please, Karkat. I’m an adult now. I don’t have time for such childish things.” Dave said, holding up a hand. You roll your eyes and glance down, only then noticing that his tiny pieces of pancake had been arranged into the shape of a little ghost, with blobs of golden syrup for eyes and a mouth. Your mouth presses into a line as you try not to laugh, shuffling around in your seat. You let out a snort and hear Dave make a similar nose. You both explode, laughing loudly and thumping your fists on the table.

The young worker behind the counter jumped a little and looked over at you nervously, clearly paranoid that you’re drunk or tripping. You both eventually calm down and eat your food, leaving a little quicker than you usually would because you don’t like making retail workers uncomfortable. You both sit in the car for a while, warm and content. 

Dave glances as you. “Your place or mine?” he asks.

“What are you on about?” 

“I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. It feels pathetic. So. Your place or mine?” Dave repeats.

“Mine.” you say, wavering a little. Dave drives you home. Now you’ve snapped out of your little funk you realize just how terrible his driving is tonight. 

“Uh.. how much did you drink at the party?” you ask.

“Nothing, why?” Dave asks cheerily.

“No reason.” you mutter, holding onto your seat for dear life. 

“You know, I always remember this quote I read in my literature class in high school, want to hear it?” Dave nattered on.

“... Sure.” 

“‘A bad driver is only dangerous when it meets another bad driver.’ You know who said that?” 

“No.”

“Me either. Someone in Great Gatsby.”

 

“Where are you going with this?” 

“My point is, its 11:39pm on a friday night on Halloween. All the dangerous drivers are off drinking. We’re safe.” Dave says, waggling a finger at you as he steers with one hand. You screech on a hard left all of a sudden (without indicating) and race through the empty streets. 

“Seriously Strider, how the fuck have you never been pulled over?” 

“Pure, unadulterated skill.” 

Once you’re home, you both sit on the couch with mugs of hot chocolate. Feferi and Sollux are obviously still out at the party so it’s just you and Dave in the dimly lit home. Dave is flicking through the channels speedily. He channel surfs like he drives, that’s for sure. Careless and fast.

You huff and kick him. “Just put something on!” 

Dave turns his head to look at you and wordlessly throws the remote control at you. You fumble and spill half your drink on the floor as you attempt to catch it. Dave snorts again before clapping his hand over his nose and running to the bathroom, the boy had apparently snotted all over himself. 

You put on an episode of friends and curl up more on the couch, sipping at your hot drink sleepily. Dave returns (composed and snot free) and sits next to you. You both watch friends re-runs until Sollux and Feferi stumble in. 

“What sort of time do you call this?” Dave asks, hands on hips (though it looks a little weird because he’s still sat down. You glance over at the clock. 4am. Christ. 

Sollux has his arm wrapped around Feferi’s waist. Her previously straightened hair had started to curl and frizz in places and she has her lips attached to the boy’s neck, but you’re pretty sure that if you could see her face right now her makeup would be smudged. You roll your eyes. Heteros. They both clatter off to Sollux’s bedroom and Dave stands up with a stretch. 

“If we go to bed now there's a small chance that we’ll fall asleep before they start having sex, meaning we won’t have to awkwardly listen while trying to pretend that we don’t.” he said before strolling into your bedroom.


End file.
